Note: I know you can tell I’m reading this, but I wanted to make it a bit more personal than just a text post.

So I have been prompted to make this video a permanent fixture of TarotBlades, as I feel it is something that is implicitly necessary. As many of you know, I am Buddhist. I represent myself on TarotBlades foremost, as a Pagan, but also as a Buddhist. I feel that they are concurrent with one another in such a way that they are a good fit for me spiritually. However, in recent months, I have received replies asking me why I am not more compassionate to other beings. This is a very disconcerting question for me, as I wish to always be compassionate to all beings, however, Bodhichitta isn’t always applicable for me at the moment. I am still learning, and foremost, I am human. For some reason when people learn that I’m Buddhist they automatically assume that I am somehow superhuman, and unaffected by emotions other than goodness, happiness, and so on.

I understand how I represent myself on the internet is as a very good-natured, kind, and loving individual, and I’m certain that I am these things. However, it appears this projection of myself has marred me within the eyes of followers who never expect me to ever utter a single word of unkindness or resentment. I believe it is prudent for me to further reiterate the fact, that, yes I am human. I’m sorry to those whose idealistic bubbles I am bursting, but it’s the truth. I fall to the wayside, I cry, like you, I get depressed, frustrated, angry, resentful, and hurt, just like you. I am not impenetrable to these things.

And yes, Buddhism is, as least as I’ve come to understand it, a practice that cultivates goodness. However, Buddhism is also a lifetime of practice. I am almost twenty-four years old, and have been Buddhist for a mere three years in March. This isn’t the kind of thing that you get instantaneously, it is quite challenging, and something I’m not so sure I’ll even master in this lifetime. That being said, don’t be alarmed or feel affronted when I’m being overtly emotional. I understand that I am being hurtful, but that is my karma, and I fully understand that, you don’t need to point it out to me every chance you get. If you want to unfollow simply because I am succumbing to the throes of human emotion, then by all means, do so. At this point I can only be honest with all of you in who I am, and what, at least to myself, and those that know me, represent.

Thank you for taking the time to listen,

TarotBlades